Juicy Mullet

By | April 30, 2003

Sometime in the last year I had a birthday, and my dear wife purchased the exact digital camera that I wanted, a Canon PowerShot S400 Digital Elph. It’s a sweet, sweet camera. She is a genius type mindreader for buying it, given they I honestly gave her no hints beyond “I would like a digital camera for my birthday”. The S400 is a 4 megapixel camera with 3x optical zoom, but it’s only slightly larger than a deck of playing cards.

Our dear friends Michael and Nell also gave me a most excellent b-day gift – Juicy Mullet artificially flavored cinnamon gum.

Here for your viewing pleasure are pictures of the front and side of the box. The photos are about double the actual size of the package.

Yum, yum! Who wouldn’t love an extruded concotion of Sugar, Dextrose, Gum Base, Corn Syrup, Natural and Artifical Flavors, Softeners (like fabric softeners?), Glycerine, Soy Lecithin, Citric Acid, Tapioca Dextrin, Aspartame (as if 3 of the first 4 ingredients being forms of sugar wasn’t enough), Acesulfame Potassium, Artificial Color, Red 40 Lake, Red 40, Carnauba Wax (as opposed to Aruban car wax), Resinous Glaze (used to similar good effect by Tammy Faye), BHT (to maintain freshness – as if the embalming fluids already listed wouldn’t do the trick) , and everyone’s favorite toxin – PHENYLALANINE. Actually, it’s an essential amino acid that looks really cool.

In case, you can’t read the names of the hip homeboy styles, they’re KY Waterfall, Mudflap, Beaver Pelt, and Rat-tail. I was once the owner of a fine lookin’ peroxided rat-tail, but fortunately there are no known incriminating photos in existence.

Update – July 22, 2003: I finally dared to crack open the packaging. The gum pieces were shaped like chiclets. The package contained 8 pieces, as advertised. The cinnamon flavor was strong and spicy as my teeth cracked through the red carapace of the first piece. The spiciness backed off after a few seconds. One piece wasn’t enough, so I tossed another piece in my mouth. The gum really wasn’t too bad, although after about 45 minutes, it had the consistency of a wadded up rubber band. The inside packaging appears to contain the image of a Trans Amaro, the ultimate mullet boy car.

If the gum isn’t enough for you, you should definitely try the shampoo from the same manufacturer. “For a healthy, shiny mullet.”

3 thoughts on “Juicy Mullet

  1. Gwen

    omfg juicy mullet gum is the shiznit!!! it is (as advertised) frikkin tasty and the trans am with the screamin eagle is kick ass! i myself have never had any form of mullet (or fe-mullet as the case may be)and i dont plan to…..ever! but juicy mullet gum will remain my gum of choice.

  2. josh

    Gums such as the one advertised above should be taken off the market and not sold for the aspartame
    used in the product can for some give bad head spins
    and over a long term effect give brain damage.


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